So, a dream deferred. I use those words in the context that a friend just used them in his own blog post and has very little to do with my situation.

The past 72 Hours have not been kind to me. Quite the opposite in fact. Of course the root of the problem spawns back a number of days prior but lets just get on with this. SO, I go into the recruiting office to meet with the man who is likely going to get a bonus for me enlisting. I hand them my educational certification which I have been assured will 'probably be fine' since it -Says- this is a legal highschool diploma on the document and I have no reason to disbelieve it. We chat about sign up bonuses and scholarships for a little while then they send me into this little room because 'it's quiet in there' and I take a practice test.

Of course while I'm taking the test I can hear everything they are saying and no, my education isn't good enough for them. But they really want me to join. "Sign him up for college" One of them suggested. SO, I finish and sigh, short test and my skills are rusty but... whatever. Then they drop the bomb on me.

"You see at the end of last week we stopped taking people with state assigned diplomas."

Last week someone asked me to stay an extra week instead of enlisting right away, and then proceeded to not want to talk to me for any reason. Still doesn't want to talk to me it seems. Dammit. Then the recruiter goes "But lets see how you did." He clicks on the get scores button and put in his information. "Wow!" is his first comment. "That's... that's a really high score.... people who score that high normally max out on the ASFAP... Wow... top five percent..." I haven't taken a math class in years. This is disappointing on so many levels, including the one where I can't take advantage of my intelligence right now.

So I vow to take the required online courses, do them at double time so I'll be ready in two months. (I find out later that with training filled up so much I couldn't have shipped out any sooner anyway, they don't tell me this till a little while later.) Plus I'll have some credits, plus they'll re-imburse me the tuition after I enlist then I can ship out soon as the semester is over.

Only problem is I can't afford to pay rent -and- tuition, which means borrowing money somehow, and frankly I'm still unemployed due to... depression really but more about that in part II. So something has to give right now, and I'm hoping it's my mother or my bank. Meanwhile I'll look at payment options for an out I can actually take. But there I am, realising how small the wiggle room I have is, how low my own ceiling is for bettering myself, and knowing I brought this on myself because I let myself procrastinate and let others decide how I go about things.

And that fucks with me. Which leads me to the next piece which I will write up in a few scant minutes.

Tags: in the army now
Current Mood: depressed

     SO. I have this little problem. I can't seem to blog and have it not be completely angst ridden.

     Those of you who know me, and I figure only two people are ever going to read this and so yes, you do, will notice that's not how I normally am. Sure I get cynical, sometimes sardonic, sometimes I'm even full on depressed, you've seen that. But angst? Not so much. It's mainly because I try and limit my whining, and frankly on the internet the buds of my aggravations blossom into the flush petals of loathing complaint, railing against my misfortune, against whatever has slighted me, against unfair taxes...

     Perhaps not so much that last one, but you both know what I mean.

     I would love to think I actually deserve to complain, and I actually might, but -I- can't get over what a bitch it makes me sound like, so it bothers me. To the end of Correcting this little perceived flaw in my internet communique I am going to try to keep this one above board, so to speak.

     I'm going to boot! Whooo!

     This is actually something I'm really excited about. I've tried to join the military some eleventy billion times before and have always let myself get stopped by friends, family, and other random happenings. Not this time! I'm going to go collect those few skills and unlock some achievements on my mental character sheet. Like shoot an automatic gun! And shoot an automatic gun Lots! Also, I hear they are going to be teaching me how to drive. I approach this with some small reservation, not being able to drive is like... canon in the me universe but we all have to grow up sometime.

     And hey when I return I'll be in my Best Shape Ever. I just really hope I don't have to do it around here... I hope they ship me north... I really really hope they ship me north. This heat is killin it.

     Also they'll give me glasses, fuckin WIN!

Tags: in the army now
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Ben Folds - Bruised