It gave.

I never expected it to but today, after my hot water heater was replaced but not turned on so I had to take a cold shower, after another full day gone mysteriously missing, after spiraling down into depression, after wondering at the psychological impact of being constantly bitten by bugs actually is, after finally understanding that yes, suicide -is- on my list of responses...

It gave.

I realized that yes, I'm more alone than I ever have been in my entire life.

I'm starving myself, malnutrition only barely held off, I couldn't eat too much if I tried right now.

I sleep way too much, this is probably related to the above malnutrition.

I'm not exercising even half as much as I should

I only get out in the sun about three times a week, total

I'm probably killing myself

And then for no reason, I was happy again.

I think though in the end it's because my entire life I've been circling around the fact that the only way to be free is to be in freefall

This is Grace in Gravity, mother fuckers.

Watch me shine.

Tags: surviving insanity