SO. There is this show out new this season, it's called NEEDLESS. That's right, in all capital letters. Everything about this show is Infernokrusher. The OP starts with heavy metal and a nuclear explosion and then ramps up from there taking stops at every visual trope they can think of shoving in our faces at a rapid fire pace like a triple barreled mini-gun to the cacophony of screaming guitar. This is instantly everything I want out of a show, it makes my blood pump faster. The animation style is rough in the OP, somewhere between TTGL and Dead Leaves for style. There are burly protagonists, bouncing tits, yuri schoolgirls, evil mahou shojou, top hats, kung fu fighting, and most of all explosions, tons and tons of explosions. And then the show starts.

And I go buuuu, because as awesome as this is the animation studio got a shit buget and can't animate anything. I rage, I rage hard, because it is so... good... and yet... animation... and it hurts inside. It is Infernokrusher! It uses explosions as an interruption of the viewer! Just when you think BOOOM, and it never lets up.

Why couldn't it have been pretty too? Well at least I'll have TM 8.0.

Tags: geekness

It gave.

I never expected it to but today, after my hot water heater was replaced but not turned on so I had to take a cold shower, after another full day gone mysteriously missing, after spiraling down into depression, after wondering at the psychological impact of being constantly bitten by bugs actually is, after finally understanding that yes, suicide -is- on my list of responses...

It gave.

I realized that yes, I'm more alone than I ever have been in my entire life.

I'm starving myself, malnutrition only barely held off, I couldn't eat too much if I tried right now.

I sleep way too much, this is probably related to the above malnutrition.

I'm not exercising even half as much as I should

I only get out in the sun about three times a week, total

I'm probably killing myself

And then for no reason, I was happy again.

I think though in the end it's because my entire life I've been circling around the fact that the only way to be free is to be in freefall

This is Grace in Gravity, mother fuckers.

Watch me shine.

Tags: surviving insanity

     So I have just completed watching the Shadow Skill television series and I have come to a realization, anime did not exist before the year 2000. Anything labeled 'anime' from before then is either dead to me or 'not really anime'. This is a rather harsh and bitter pill to swallow for someone who has seen their share of Urusei Yatsura, who cut their teeth (or lost their virginity depending on how you want to say it) on the X OVA, and this rules out such classics as Ghost in the Shell, Ninja Scroll, and Akira, classics from the halcyon days when anime was about tits and explosions. This also cuts Shadow Skill, both the OVA and the series out of my index. Believe it or not this is a good thing, much as I weep to let them go. In order to put this into perspective I need to give a little background on Shadow Skill and my relationship with it.

     Back in the day when I was younger, before DVDs and the majority of casual internets, I watched all the anime I could find. This was difficult because I was nine (possibly younger) and had no money. I had watched Guyver (fuck yeah, Guyver) thanks to my local video store and had watched the X OVA aaaand I think I had watced Ninja Scroll by then, but that was about it. So one summer I go to my father's house, which is stay up late and play video games watch whatever you want on TV party central. Oh and he had porn comics above the sink I'd kill someone to have scans of now, but I digress. He also had illegal cable, which was all the rage back in the nineties and is so much less feasable these days, and so I got the action channel or actually whatever it was before it became the action channel... Showtime... Maxx? Can't remember.

     Anywho, one night I'm up late and this anime comes on named Shadow Skill. It blows everything else I have seen before out of the water. If I could point to one OVA and say 'That, that right there sealed my lasting love of this medium.' it would be Shadow Skill. The character design wasn't something I had seen before and the martial arts action combined breathtaking fluidity and bone crunching viscerality in the same momment. I was young so I guess I didn't care that the plot was disjointed? Looking back on it (having read the manga and watched everything but an insanely crappy cgi outing) I'm amazed I got it at the time. But I got it.

     Kurudan Assassination Techniques arose from combating slavery. Eigi (the shadow arts) is generally considered to be the more deadly of the two. It focuses entirely on kicks, the fighter's arms treated as shackled together. Because that's how they kept the women. Hyougi on the other hand focuses on punches and small stable footwork, because the men's feet were shackled to prevent them from running away. Hyougi is taught, post rebellion naturally, in schools in Kuruda. Eigi is taught one on one, master to student, like any secret art of assassination should be. Gau Ban, arguably the main character, is trained in Eigi, you know, the more deadly female martial art, by his older sister Elle who is possibly the strongest human fighter in their world, period.

     Let's take a second and think about how cool it is that in the rather patriarchal society that is Japan this mangaka thought 'Traditional gender roles? I see nothing wrong with my female lead being demonstratably stronger than everyone else and punching through a meteor while everyone else has their thumbs up their bums.' Also it's a hotblooded martial art family. They get stronger by shouting out 'I am invincible! No one can defeat my Shadow Skill!' It's an assassination style... that teaches the power of being hotblooded... I'm probably not explaining this well enough. Teaches being hotblooded. It's only gotten more epic with age. This is me as a little kid:

"My Mind. Is Blown... ... ... I need to train NOW!" Then I'd go run in the sand and do jump kicks. Because when your nine, jump kicks, fuck yeah.

     Now I'm a bit older than eight, I'm done with my teens, and I've grown into a consumer of a lot more anime. I didn't even know there was a Shadow Skill television show untill a few days ago, so I watched it. It was obvious to me that at the time, they had spent a lot of money on this. It was dated. Oh sure, I still loved it, but if anyone wanted me to reccomend them a title to show them what anime was all about? This would be far far away from my list. This just isn't what anime is these days. It's grown up some, a lot like I have.

     2000 isn't an arbitrary date either. Specifically Hajime no Ippo came out in October of 2000, and it's the earliest example I'd give someone if asked, so there is the cut off point. Love Hina, may it rot in hell, blew the harem genre to shreds and gave it the vast majority of the shape it has today. Love Hina released April 2000, and I hate Ken Akamatsu. 1999 was a tempting year, seeing Mononoke Hime, the first Pokemon Movie, and Perfect Blue released theatrically statesides, but honestly... Those titles have been left behind. Mononoke Hime is a timeless classic, yes, and anything by Satoshi Kon is Relevant, they have been surpassed by their decendants, and us fans need to move on too.

     Too often the 'top anime' of a fan will include Bebop, Trigun, and Ranma, or Tenshi, or fucking... any of those seminal works really and they will recommend these titles to new potential viewers. I think in so doing we are doing a huge disservice to them. What we need to do is figure out what anime means Now. We need to suggest titles that will become classics in time, and only bring up the things from before with veterans. History is important, yes, but eventually you have to teach it like history and not like current events.

tl:dr version: Because I watched this one show the next time someone asks me to recommend an anime I'm going to steer them towards Toradora or something like To Aru Majutsu no Index... Okay I clearly need to figure out what shows I should use.

Tags: anime, geekness
Current Mood: calm

I haven't used your towel. It hangs in the bathroom waiting for your return.

I feel like if I use it you'll never come back. I wonder... I wonder if you would even want to.

I've been writing a bit more, that's good. The problem is I need a job, yesterday. The only way I can get to doing what I want is to wait here in fucking Arizona for more months so that I can get in-state tuition because I haven't lived here a year, so I can go to college, so I can join the military, so I can go to college.

I could have a job right now, I'm certain of it, but I just can't... be bothered... I don't do well alone.

I don't think I've ever been quite this alone before.

You should tell me you're coming home. I haven't been eating well since you've been gone. There is a hole in this house, the place you left when you went away...

I shouldn't need a reason, but you gave me one. Could you do it again for old time's sake? If I knew you would return I could do my best to make sure there is a place to return to.

     She was right on time, he saw her through the crowd on his right. He reacted without thinking, really it was second nature by now. He slammed his foot into the tiles beneath, showering debris into the air on the platform, shiny bit of fake stone glinting in the florecent lighting along with all the dust and concrete debris. He hadn't caught a support beam, lucky. People had just begun to register something was happening when he cut his hand through the explosion, propelling those fragments towards their target.
     The debris impacted into her form, pulling more with them in their wake. Her eyes went wide as she saw him, shock, recognition, fear, anticipation, they all burned in the look she was riddled with holes, picking up her body from the ground as the fragments blasted their way messily through her body. She was dead before she hit the ground. The crowd screamed and began to mill in chaos and confusion as the body of a seemingly natural woman began to bubble and evaporate.
     She gasped behind him, crying out in sensations he couldn't even begin to fathom but made his heart leap in his chest, clutching to him and rubbing her blind-folded face into his cheek, moaning "You killed me. Auuughh, god... didn't even have any warning..." That wet tongue licked at his ear, grinding herself to him and shivering. He pulled her back through the crowd and tucked between a bank of telephones and a photo booth. Greedy hands brought the fabric away from her black hair and looked into those nearly ice blue eyes which would soon fade into a color more suitable for blending in. He kissed her rapaciously and she yielded to him, his heart broke for that and he pulled the earbuds away.
     "I love you." He whispered now that she could hear him. Passion was her only reply.

-----------------------------------------------

     The old man crouched over his plants, tending to the soil with natural fertilizer, doing what small bit of pruning needed to be done. More he just did it to kill time, to let the day slip by him in work. He could feel the presence behind him without looking. "Ahh, you're early Ire." He said, not looking up or moving to stop his soothing work.
     The youth chuckled behind him, raising smooth hands to supple skin. Still, he envied not the young, save merely for their ignorance. "I just came by to see how the next generation was growing."
     "Getting impatient are we? It won't work. Humanity is not ready fo-"
     "Humanity is ready for us, needs us."
     "I hardly see how that can be possible. All we've ever done is wage wars and meddle in their affairs."
     "It's a brand new age. They've created their own gods and have forgotten the heroes of old. It won't hold."
     The old man snips a dying branch from its hold. "If there is one thing I have learned it's that the common world is resiliant. They will continue on without you, forget you, and never look back."
     Ire sniffs at this and turns to walk away. "I'll be back when they are ready, I can see I'm going to get no help out  of you."
     The geezer stands and shifts his glasses. "Of course you will always be."

Tags: story

This song kinda popped into my head while I was in Kansas. I imagine it sung by a female with an acoutstic guitar and perhaps light/jazz drums. Very indy, very sad, the song when sung should sound as sad as the lyrics.

We laugh at other's misfortunes
We laugh at everything
But our laughter is the tears of torture
Trying to hide our broken wings

And we go to work on Sunday
Cuz it's all we've ever known
But it's the diligence of the dying
As we watch our cold world burn

So give me back my generation
Give us back our hopes and dreams
Give me back my generation
You should have taught our hearts to sing

We live in a world that's broken
You say you gave all you could give
We don't blame your distraction
Just tell us how we can live

Our songs scream out our sorrow
You roll your eyes and grin
We can't tell you that we're not joking
And we're bleeding because of your sin

So give me back my generation
Give us back our bodies and minds
Give me back my generation
On our own, some hope we might find

We don't know how to be lovers
We can barely even be friends
We're not blind to our destined ending
And it makes some of us never begin

Give me back my generation
Give us back our chance at life
Give me back my generation
So we can try and finish your strife

Give me back my generation
Won't you give it back
Please give it back
Begging give it back
Give it back
Give it back
We need it back
I need it back so ba(hold note)dly

We laugh at other's misfortune
We laugh at everything
We're a tribe of faceless people
Listen to our fading scream

Tags: not a songwriter
Current Mood: Torn

So. I figured out I don't have mosquitos. It's mites. My house is infested with mites of the kind that bite humans, raise welts, and cause me to itch madly. I am also delicious it seems. I did not have mites before I got the second couch and my queen sized bed so it's obvious where they came from. The sad thing is that now I need neither the bed nor the couch, so all I'm enjoying is being eaten alive by bugs I can't see. It's maddening and the bites are spreading. First there were two, then four, and now... I don't... I'm just glad my body will adapt soon and take some of this from me.

I got home and tried to pay my rent. My bank had just been robbed by the time I got there and no one knew where another USBank was. I come home to a pay rent or we'll sue you notice. That means late fees. Gotta love comming home from two funerals only to have a bank robbery spoil your day then go sit in your pest infested home. It itches, I itch all over and there is no relief.

On the plus side the Yoshida Brothers are an incredible group.

I'm trying to get my thoughts together to blog about the second funeral, this will be impossible till my body stops screaming hystamine...

Oh did I mention I don't have the means to fix this?

Tags: surviving insanity
Current Mood: itchy
Current Music: Yoshida Brothers - My Heart Holds

Today was so incredibly intense, but first to address something, or more importantly someone.

I love you. I need you. I miss you more than words can convey.  I miss you more than my heart can bare to reflect. Don't leave. Don't leave -me-.

Okay, so today started with vacuum noises. I might have lamented my family earlier but man do we get some things right, in this case we clean like a mug. To use a basketball metaphor our cleaning takes the form of zone defence, we stay in one area and pass cleaning utensils between us. We don't talk, we just clean. Sometimes hand gestures are involved, thinking back on it we have some Black Bolt in us. (Get it? It's a nerd joke, Black Bolt, black family?) In fact we work really well like this, so much so that when I'm with the family I forget that other people can't hear our silent conscious decisions. More on this later.

So the family gathered. It was time for the funeral after all and we had a service to get to. My father showed up and we lead the charge to the church, I got to talk to my little sister on the cell, she's going to camp, I'm excited for her. Of course I'm still terrified at her living situation, but you would too if you suspected your eight year old little sister was being malnourished and ill educated not by intent but by -ignorance-. I'm helpless in the situation, naturally, but what can a half brother do? Bothersome.

So the service begins and people speak, talking about how my great-grandmother's connection with god never waned, how she was an amazing person, how she helped shape a community of love in Coffeeville. There was also a lot of talk about god, and raising chideren in the word and so forth, which my mind twisted into indoctrination. I got up to speak, check out how I rip people off left and right and fail a bit.

"...so that aside I just want to say something on the subject of life, death, and passing. Life is the bitter pill we all must swallow before we reach our joyous surcease." This got a lot of approval grunts and a few hallelujahs "My great-grandmother has finished this life and can now drink of the sweet water." This got fewer grunts. "It is in us the living not to sorrow, but to exist in joy will only add to those that have past on to the after. Thank you." And then I sat down and got claps. See how I failed? People came up to me and commented on how profound my words were, I was asked to speak at someone else's funeral...

I could have rolled them.

I could have given them the ultimate token, I could have -passed-. I could have once and for all assured my family I was still christian. All I had to do was mention Jesus or God or anything like that and the impact would have -trippled-. But I couldn't do that, and my performance suffered. I stuck to my beliefs, compromised only as much as I felt I could... It was enough to wow them but I still failed.

Funny thing was there was a millionaire preacher there, he was impressed. If I had gone for the gut I could have gained a valuable contact.

In the closing someone mentions the Fear of God. That about ruins all the lovey dovey fellowship talk from before.

So we came home and there was food. Lots of food. Lots of chatter too, I've found that black families all have complimentary laugh tones. The casual talk and cackling is a frequencey you can immediately identify as family even if you don't know what's being said. It's soothing somehow. Tribal. After the food came the viewing.

The family went to the mortuary. There was litterally an echo in... I would call it space, but it wasn't just. I looked at a dead body. Everyone else saw great-grandma.

All I could think of was to wonder if I could make someone else so still, if I could handle the concequences of lethality after looking at the end result in the face. The -absence of a person- was staggering.

I decided that yes, I could.

After the viewing we come home. We sit around and I get into a -very- rousing argument with the pastor starting on the subject of FOX News, then into government theory, then into aliens as a catalyst for unifying humanity, global climate change... I mean we whent -everywhere-. He was a christian conservative who makes over 250000 a year. We had lots of fun.

In the end he told me I had a gift and to keep on with my passion but not to let it outweigh my judgement.

This was a pretty cool day all things considered.

... But I missed you. I wanted my family to meet you.

Current Mood: cheerful

I did fou things today.

I played 4e with some friends online. It was straight up tons of fun, even the frustrating parts.

I watched an episode of Dr. Who or two.

I finished the manga 666 Satan... Because I'm in an incredibly christian house and it was for the lulz.

I watched an episode of Eden of East.

I think this is me girding my loins for the Kansas trip which may or may not have internet.

Current Mood: tired

I just had the most amazing dream I've had in years

Tags: dreams, shaft awards
Current Mood: Elated
Current Music: Barry White - Can't Get Enough of Your Love